...you are compelled
to touch blood on the wall no matter how weird people may
think you are.
...you dream
of watching episode #13, "Paul is Dead," in such
detail that you feel like jumping in front of a train when
you wake up and realize that you made it all up.
...you have your
friend push you around in a wheelchair and pretend to be
a paraplegic for Halloween.
...you cut yourself
shaving, and you watch to see if the blood spells anything.
...you list your
forwarding address as 29 Midlothian Lane.
...you go to
your local Church and demand to see Father Calero so that
you can tell him to leave Paul alone.
...you take a
course in order to learn Aramaic so that you can translate
it should the occasion arise.
...you actually
check the listings for Harvard University and try to find
information on a Professor Alva Keel. And, if you find him,
you call him and tell him that "Tommy says hi!"
...you send hundreds
of napkins with the words "GOD IS NOW HERE" to
people you've never met and keep a few extras for your own,
one to be framed.
...you want to
visit your friend up north so you can go hunting for those
rumored ghostlights.
...you believe
you are Lazarus.
You Know You're Deprived of Your Miracles When...
...you say the
lines from all aired episodes in tandem with the actors.
...you wear your
black "Who said it was God?" t-shirt to work and
make sure to point it out to *everyone* on the staff, every
day.
...you look on
eBay for your own "hooptie mobile" to strut around
town in.
...you stare
in wonder at your computer screen because that ADWARE worm
you got messed up the screen so that it almost looks like
Mr. Friendly is grinning at you.
...you pull out
every hair on your head out of sheer frustration. Prolonged
cliffhangers are wrong.
...you can't
think of anything else besides what you can do to save Miracles.
You Know You've Had Too Much Miracles When...
...someone smacks the table to swat a fly and you instinctively
whisper, "Who said it was God?"
...you refuse
to ride on the city bus because you think it might stop
over a gas leak and explode.
...you run from
little girls with green balloons.
...you refuse
to go into the lavatories on airlines even on overseas
flights because you think you will spontaneously combust.
...you STILL
check ABC every Monday night to see if maybe Miracles will
be on. Hey, can't hurt to dream!
...you rearrange
your apartment just like Paul's in hopes of seeing the ghost
of Tommy come to you for help.
...you look at
every water tower you pass to see if the words "GOD
IS COMING" are written on it.
...you refuse
to go into the basement, no matter what.
...you write
"GOD IS NOW HERE" on the napkins of every diner
you visit.
...you close
your eyes to sleep and all you see is Mr. Friendly's smiley
face staring at you.
...you think
it's perfectly normal to see ghosts appear beside you in
your bathroom mirror.
...you have an
imaginary friend named Jimmy.
...you are attracted
to dead people.
...you flash
your College ID around as your "credentials" to
get into restricted areas and succeed.
...every time
you see a train you instantly think of a poor puppy's unfortunate
meeting with a train.
...you believe
that there's another soul living in your body besides your
own.
...you are afraid
all cops are going to throttle you with their stick.
...the sight
of a water tower scares you to death.
...you constantly
have scary dreams of a little boy with red eyes saying,
"I'm waiting for you..."
...you can identify
which background music has been used before, citing the
episode and scene it comes from.
